Tell-tale signs you might be Slovenian, Part II

– You would never consider moving in order to land a better job.

– You will, however, backpack, hitchhike, climb, crawl and paddle your way from the Arctic to Antarctica and back just for fun.

– When abroad, you can never avoid running into your fellow nationals no matter how secluded your destination may be because they’re everywhere.

– Each time you encounter your fellow countrymen anywhere outside of your national borders you pretend to be glad to see them but in reality you consider your trip a failure and swear to seek out an even remoter place next time.

– You go to the Croatian coast each summer despite knowing it has one of the highest numbers of your fellow nationals per square foot on record and then complain under your breath about everybody around you speaking your language and feel like somebody robbed you of your holiday experience.

– You don’t necessarily go out of your way to make people from other former Yugoslav republics feel particularly welcome in your country but if you happen upon them abroad you couldn’t be happier and you’ll get drunk together and reminisce about the good old Yugoslavia until you jointly pass out under the table.

– You claim everyone who drives a fast/big/expensive car has self-confidence issues.

– You buy a fast, big and expensive car at the first opportunity you get and claim anyone in a small car suffers from an inferiority complex and rightly so.

– You grow an environmental conscience and start singing the praise of tiny economy cars when your driving record pushes your insurance premium up so high it would cost more to insure a nice big four-wheel-drive than to buy it.

– You believe ownership of a motor vehicle automatically grants you the right to free parking anytime and anywhere and it’s your town mayor’s priority duty to make sure you get it.

– You equate parking charges to a racket and parking inspectors to the lowest, most despicable ranks of organised crime.

– You get stinking drunk at every party and apologise the next day for not holding your liquor well and promise to practice more without ever considering the option of drinking less.

– You never entertain the notion of not getting wasted at parties because you know nobody trusts people who don’t drink socially.

– Each time you get drunk around people from other lands you embark upon enlightening them to the fact that your country has produced a disproportionate number of outstanding individuals only to draw a blank when it comes to naming them and then move on to wrap up your argument by telling your audience Comrade Tito was half-Slovenian and so is Donald Trump’s wife.

– You insist on paying your plumber/mechanic/electrician cash-in-hand and afterwards you both bitch about how those tax evaders are bringing your country to ruin.


#Stereotypes about Slovenians, by a Slovenian.


Upcoming post: Regardless of what your mother said, you most definitely are Slovenian if…