Tell-tale signs you might be Slovenian, Part I

You might be Slovenian if:

– You own a car, a house and some land and you’re always complaining about being underprivileged.

– Whenever somebody visits you apologise profusely for your house being such a mess despites the fact the whole place is next to sterile with no clutter in sight.

– No matter how broke you claim to be you seem to have little problem finding money for high-end sports equipment.

– You claim to have no money while going out for drinks every night and taking seaside vacations and ski trips several times a year.

– You believe a deep tan is a sign of health and athleticism and feel obligated to drop hints to this effect around fair-skinned individuals.

– You believe your politicians must be some sort of an experiment gone wrong and are under no circumstances to be considered a reflection of your national character.

– You will vote for anyone who promises to raise the taxes for somebody other than you.

– You are a staunch believer in a non-violent society and your ideal solution for achieving it would be to hunt down and execute all crooks and thugs except the ones you voted for in the last elections.

– You believe the best way of preventing public officials from stealing is to beat them to it by paying as little tax as possible and then sucking it all back through benefits and allowances.

– You’re raising your kid together with your partner while collecting your single parent benefits and complaining about those benefit scroungers at the same time.

– You believe a stay in a labour camp could fix most character flaws in any politician and you think that it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to put the Goli otok facilities back into operation.

– You didn’t need to google Goli otok.

– You believe Comrade Tito or Maria Theresa could put your country in order if they came back, and you’re secretly hoping they will.

– You’re tempted to google Maria Theresa to make sure she is who you think she is.

– You’re always watching out for what other Slavic nations are doing and you dread the day one of them officially achieves a better standard of living than yours.

– You point out how other nations are much smarter with their politics and economy but god help the naive soul who makes the mistake of agreeing with what you just said.

– You will claim Americans are dumb for not knowing where (or what) your country is while you can’t even name half of the USA states, let alone point to them on a map.

– You never consider that singing Bandiera Rossa and The Internationale in a public gathering in front of foreign TV crews might hold a potential for spooking your fellow EU citizens or making you seem backward.

– You have no problem reconciling the idea of individualism with communism.

– You’re a fountain of knowledge when it comes to stereotypes about every other nation and ethnicity under the sun yet whenever you meet a foreigner you will buy them drinks and treat them like your best friend.


#Stereotypes about Slovenians, by a Slovenian.