Bread cuts. I picked up half a loaf of day-old bread only to find myself shrieking like a surprised marmot upon feeling the crust deliver a ¼ inch gash between my thumb and index finger. I didn’t expect a half-eaten bun to fight back with such fervour and I’m not quite sure that’s proper behaviour for supermarket-bought food. I wonder what they’ve been putting into flour these days. Anyway, the idea of bread cutting me sounds like a Yakov Smirnoff joke.
Ancient rituals practiced by translators
(This story was inspired by something funny I witnessed the other day.)
Never ask a translator what a certain word means when you’re in a hurry. Just look it up in a dictionary and save yourself a lot of grief. Because a translator will never give you the answer straight away. Oh no.
You see, translation is the second oldest profession known to humanity, so perhaps unsurprisingly some rather elaborate traditions have evolved over the millennia and they are duly followed by translators to this day. If you for example ask your translator what any word means she’s obligated to perform The Barrage, a much-feared and little-understood ancient ritual. What will happen is this.
First, your translator will blurt out an intimidating number of possible meanings and translations in rapid succession & random order. Your heart will start sinking at this point. But it’ll be too late for fears and regrets…
When she finally gathers her composure and stops hyperventilating, she’ll mercilessly interrogate you about the context, the intended audience and whatnot. Without fail. Go ahead and try it if you don’t believe me. If she’s any good she’ll flood you with questions until you’re swimming for your life, vulnerable and unable to gather the strength to resist this already second unexpected assault from the otherwise probably quite gentle, mild-mannered, perhaps even a bit shy creature. Your desperate attempts to provide her with the context she demands might leave you divulging confidential information. Luckily she’s a pro and knows how to handle delicate stuff.
Then she *might* even tell you the translation you need but that won’t stop her from embarking on a lengthy monologue that’ll lovingly explore each possible nuance of every single translation she mentioned in her initial outburst, coming up with many others as she goes on and on and on. She’s sure to explain all those linguistic subtleties only translators are willing to discern or care about. No escape here.
(It’s your fault really. You should have known better than to awake The Translator. You see, translators do know a lot about words. And combinations thereof. If you give them the right cue they’ll surely show you just how much they know.)
Your muttered pleas and objections having to do with you *not actually needing to hear all that right now, your migraine acting up or your ears starting to bleed* will be ignored throughout the ordeal.
In the end you’ll be left standing there, quivering with exhaustion, quietly swearing never to unleash The Translator again and – perhaps for the first time – fully appreciating the true value of a good dictionary.
And then your translator will inevitably ask if there’s anything else you’re curious about. Shake your head quietly, do not make eye contact, walk away slowly. Do not ask anything. Failing to do so will result in The Barrage being performed all over again, this time with cross-references to your previous question.
If you like chatting on the phone…
please call my land line. Not my cell phone.
Each and every time I talk on my mobile phone for any considerable length of time I get an annoying headache.
That’s why I keep most of my conversations short and to the point. Please don’t mistake this for rudeness. Thanks 🙂
Gotta love buzzwords
OMG.
What I’ve just read.
Client-oriented approach.
Generates more revenue.
I bet some business guru somewhere is getting paid to slowly explain this bit of wisdom to a group of nodding managers. No sh*t Sherlock, you earn more once you start giving your customers what they actually want. They could’ve asked me, I’d’ve told them this for half of whatever the guru’s charging.
But seriously. Too many businesses seem to be in the, well, business for some not immediately obvious reasons or at least something much less mundane than money. Otherwise they would’ve dropped the attitude, asked their clients what they wanted and then started selling exactly that.
Davcni vrtiljak? Davcni veseljak!!
“Nimamo niti enega davcnega veseljaka, kot jih imajo drugi gradbinci.”
Bravo Finance! Brez heca, izumili ste enega najboljsih izrazov evah. Pravzaprav je tako srckan, da se tezko odlocim, kako ga bom uporabljala.
Skoda, da ste ze popravili – mnogo najpomembnejsih izumov je nastalo po pomoti, zato res ni nobena sramota, ce se kaj takega pripeti tudi vam.
Kdo ali kaj je davcni veseljak?
Je to drugo ime za vrtiljak, ker imajo nekateri res veliko veselja z njimi?
Je davcni veseljak morda kar lastnik davcnega vrtiljaka, ki je vzhicen, ker ga se niso ujeli ter oglobili in obdavcili od spredaj in zadaj?
Ali pa je davcni veseljak Dursovec, ki je pregloboko pogledal v kozarec?
Bi se lahko davcni veseljak reklo vsakemu Slovencu, ki mu vrnejo prevec dohodnine, on pa jo hitro vrne v obtok v najblizji ostariji?
…
Nagibam se sicer k temu, da je davcni veseljak vsak, ki mu uspe zvoziti zivljenje tako, da placa cim manj davkov.
Kdor ne jamra, ni Slovenc, jej, jej, jej!
Pa se res je 😀
Jamranje je nas nacionalni sport in tako dobri smo v njem, da postane clovek hvalezen za lastno mizerijo, ce vec kot pet minut poslusa Slovenca srednjega sloja razlagati, kako njemu res ni lahko.
Smartinsko jezero pri Celju
Prevajalski piknik na Smarjaku!!
Prostor prispeva lady Tanja, žare in organizacijo prispevamo Celjani, par prenocišc pod trdo streho Alenka in jaz, hrano in pijaco vsi po vrsti. S sabo prinesti kaj za jesti, piti, sedeti, ležati, kakšno kitaro in kak šotor, ce je želja po spanju zunaj.
Do prostora za piknik se da priti z avtom, vendar pa je verjetno najbolje, ce se lepo parkira pod brano (tam je dovolj veliko parkirisce) in potem lepo sprehodi mimo razgledne tocke, brane, luke ter cez most. Na koncu mostu je na desni colnarna, kjer so igrala, klopi, mize, strežba & izposoja colnov. Na levi pa je prostor za naš piknik! V bližini sta dve kemicni stranišci; eno je povsem blizu (pri colnarni), drugo pa malenkost dlje – pri luki.
Šmartinsko jezero je eno najvecjih umetnih jezer v Sloveniji (površina 117 ha), odlikuje ga zelo razgibana in dolga obala. Datum poznamo, tocno lokacijo in nekaj pripadajocih atrakcij pa si lahko ogledate na spodnjih fotkah.
Turisticna ladja na zgornji sliki odpelje iz luke vsakic, ko se na njej nabere deset ljudi. Cena 5 eur. Plovba traja kakšno uro, ves cas strežejo pijaco. Razporeditev sedežev je prijazno gostinska – ne guliš klopi kot v šoli, ampak se lepo posedeš okoli mizic, na katere si potem seveda narocaš pijaco po želji. Kapitan je faca in mislim, da lahko brez problema ladjo dobimo samo zase, ce je interes.
Ladja na sredi enega od zalivov; je kar hitra, malenkost piha, ampak ni hudega. Za popolno doživetje se daš na zgornjo palubo.
Taka je pa jezerska voda (da ne bo kdo rekel, da nismo povedali). Od dalec lepo modra, od bliže malce bolj kavne barve. Ni ravno za piti, za plavanje in pedalinckanje je pa cisto dobra. Še posebej zato, ker je prijazno topla.
Sprehajališce ob ribiski koci. Ta je od nasega prostora za piknik oddaljena le par minutk, ce si sposodiš colnicek ali pedalincek. Seveda se pride tudi po cesti, ampak tisto ni tako kul 🙂 Za ribiške navdušence je to ena od najboljsih lokacij.
Tisti križec tamle v levem kotu oznacuje lokacijo nasega piknika. No, od križca do polotoka z ribiško se lepo pride s pedalinom.
Pogled na jezero z ribiške koce. V živo je še lepše!
Ena od promenad; tale je ob ribiški koci. Na sploh je obala jezera prepredena z lepimi potmi, ki so ponoci delno osvetljene, in gosto posejana z romanticnimi klopmi in pocivalisci.
Ribiška koca. Spet. Zanimiv plac; pijaco strežejo, hrano pa s sabo prineseš oz. uloviš in jo sam pripraviš.
Simpaticne stare lupine.
Saj sem omenila, da je jezero polno rib?? Karte so od 17 do 19 EUR, obdržiš lahko eno ribo; ce je ujeta riba težja od 5 kg, jo moraš izpustiti. Rules are rules. Sem pa pozabila vprašati, ali so mislili 5 kil pri še živi ali že ocisceni … tako da zna biti tukaj nekaj manevrskega prostora 😉
Tale drevesa varujejo naš prostor za piknik pred radovednimi pogledi. Smo pa deset sekund od obale, luksuz!
Plovilca za izposojo. Colnarna; 10 metrov od piknika. V ozadju luka z ladjicama in nasip, ki drži vso to vodo stran od Celja.
Jezero je zelo priljubljeno zbirališce psov. In njihovih lastnikov. Skratka, the place je animal friendly.
Ena od urejenih sprehajalnih poti, tik ob prostoru za piknik.
Pogled na colnarno. Levo od njih smo mi.
Nekakšen zemljevid bi se lahko temu reklo. X marks the spot. Rjava crta je moje umetniško doživljanje mostu.
No, tole je ta most, cez katerega je treba iti, da se pride na piknik. Pri prehodu se tale stvarca simpaticno ziblje.
Urejena galerija, po kateri se nad obalo sprehodiš na most.
Alenka šeta mimo plaže.
Tu in tam najdeš ob jezeru kaj tako simpaticno starega; meni so tele stopnice všec, komu drugemu bo pa kaj drugega. Priložnosti za fotografiranje je dovolj. Cisto blizu prostora za piknik je na primer drstišce, kjer se zadržujejo mnoge vodne ptice.
Urejena plaža (pozno popoldan).
Pogled na brano od spodaj; visoka je 18,5 m in dolga 205 m. Sedaj so jo preuredili v sprehajališce.
Pogled na enega bolj divjih delov obale. Ampak bolj na videz; med drevesi se vijejo urejene sprehajalne poti.
Alenka se smuka prek skakalnice.
Vecina ljudi pripelje s sabo kužke, tale dama pa je jezero razkazala svojemu dihurcku.
Prostor za naš piknik! Klopca, miza, kamin. Ljubka crna kepica v ospredju je Ajša.
Jezero kljub urejanju obale in razvoju turizma ohranja svoj na trenutke divji videz.
Ce bi se hotelo resno uliti, lahko vedrimo tule pri colnarni.
Igrala za otroke so na dveh lokacijah; zgornja je takoj zraven, pri colnarni, druga pa ob luki.
Mandzurijska kandidatka?
A grrrr! Rant! Verjetno se ne bo svet podrl, ce tu in tam splezam na prižnico?
Imam tule eno babše, ki se gre neko aktivistko za pravice in dobrobit živali. Ampak je tako šokantno osorna in hudobna do vseh, ki ne mislijo in funkcionirajo do picice enako kot ona, da veliko vec potencialnih podpornikov odžene kot pa pritegne.
Surprise surprise, ljudje nocejo biti nazmerjani in ponižani samo zato, ker si drznejo imeti svojo glavo na ramenih. Ali pa zato, ker so popolnoma nedolžno nekaj vprašali. No, ta veleaktivistka bi veliko vec naredila za svoj cause, ce bi prestopila k nasprotni opciji in jim tam s svojo nedvomno iz globoko zakoreninjenega obcutka manjvrednosti izvirajoco faux superiornostjo odganjala privržence.
Pa kaj, a taki ljudje sploh razmišljajo, kaj pocnejo? A je možno, da je ta osebkinja preslepila vse okoli sebe in je dejansko nacrtno notranji sovražnik ideje, ki jo na videz oh tako gorece podpira?
Tako mimogrede, dovolj aktivno podpiram pravice ter dobrobit (to sta dve razlicni stvari!) živali in ljudi in rastlin, ce pridejo kdaj vesoljci, bom pa še njihove, ampak ko tako teslo nekaj casa gledam v akciji, me prime, da bi kakšno zavetišce za živali obdala s štirimetrskim betonskim zidom in vanj zaprla nesocializirane kretenoide, ki so se tam nabrali. In s svojo katastrofo od PR delajo živalim nepopisno škodo!
Sprašujem se, ali jih dobrobit živali sploh zares zanima. Ker obstaja možnost, da se zanjo ‘borijo’ samo zato, ker takih primerkov nobena druga cloveška skupina ni sprejela, nekam pa so se vseeno morali vkljuciti, da si lahko v varnem zavetju vzajemno božajo ego. Zdaj pa imajo svoj klub, iz katerega spretno ubijajo željo, da bi jim clovek kaj doniral ali pa prišel kdaj kakšnega psa sprehodit. In tako fino se jim zdi, ko si domišljajo, kako so bolj prosvetljeni in oh in sploh boljši od vseh ‘outsiderjev’.
Ja ja ja, seveda moram dati tule en disclaimer, ceš da seveda niso vsi borci za pravice živali & co. taki. Ce bi se komu, ki me sploh ne pozna in je nekako uspel zatavati sem, morda zazdelo, da sem kjerkoli v svojem rantu kakorkoli nakazala, da morda moje opazke letijo na vse po vrsti. Ker bi se znal kakšen najti. Ce znaš tipkati, še ne pomeni, da znaš tudi brati – kar razloži marsikateri komentar na netu.
A tisti, ki se vam zgornji opis dobro prilega, dajte se malo zamislit nad sabo!
Baj de vej, ne morem vec našteti vseh živali, ki sem jih osebno rešila pred gotovo smrtjo, tak da kuš! I actually do make a difference, ne pa samo gobec vrtim.
Kar skušam povedati, je to, da vec muh ujameš na med kot na kis. Think about it. Ce verjameš v neko idejo, jo argumentirano, taktno, vztrajno in da, vljudno trži. Ne bo ti krona z glave padla, mar ne?
Some random thoughts from an overworked translator/interpreter/PM
Too much hygiene is not good for you. Keep your brain unwashed.
I’m in favour of using gender-neutral language wherever it makes sense. When I’m feeling particularly brave I’ll even use singular they. Yeah, I do that.
I happen to know what a language register is. And most of the time I know which one fits best. But I reserve the right to have some fun with them when an opportunity arises. I’m a professional translator and I need to do this from time to preserve my sanity.
I’m more brave than polite and I’ve been doing my best to reverse that order since I was a teen. So please bear with me; I’m getting there. Slowly.
Sticks and stones. Holds true for me. Though I try not to presume other people feel the same.
Still, I do think people are becoming way too sensitive. It’s funny in a way. Apparently we can ignore the worst kind of things going on in the world.
(And the flat next door – not that I’m particularly in favour of spying on one’s neighbours, but come on! They beat their kid to death and nobody heard or knew anything?!)
But when we hear or read something that even slightly offends our sensibilities we’re suddenly in our battle mode. C’mom. Save your fighting spirit for things that actually do matter.
The best way to unwind after a day of being surrounded by folks too darn sensitive for your taste is to call some of your most politically incorrect (and probably quite intelligent) friends over and enjoy a session of gallows humour.
Follow your own advice. Or at least consider abstaining from giving it to others oh-so-willingly. Unless you really enjoy people laughing behind your back.
A wise thought I found in one of those e-mail forwards, “If something I said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of them offends you, I meant the other one.” Adapted for interpreters it would read, “If something your client said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of them might offend the other party, please do choose to convey the other one.”
The people you’re interpreting for will have enough opportunities to get into a fight if they want to; they don’t need your help with this.
If you think a language is not pretty, you might consider firing your translator.
A CAT tool is like a smart person who occasionally does something incredibly dumb. When you least expect them too. The problem is their blunders are much more likely to fly under your radar than those made by not-so-bright individuals (as perceived by you).
A word of advice to fellow translators: find someone to check your translation if you’re just learning to use a new CAT tool.
CAT tools are pretty much like high heels. They keep you on your toes for reasons already mentioned. With them you may seem more attractive to passers-by. But only those who’ve tried wearing them will understand what a nuisance they can be.
A word to end buyers. Be nice to your language project managers and send them some flowers sometimes. You have no idea, and I mean no idea what they have to go through to get you your perfect translation (more or less) on time.
Pa še ena domaca: Boljš prav cajt zajebat kot pa prepozn prav nardit.
All about Eve
This looks a bit empty …
Actually it’s been looking ‘a bit’ empty for a couple of years now.
Apparently I’m not much of a blogger.
When I feel I really have something to say I usually say it face-to-face. A bit old-fashioned, I guess.
I think I’ll write something anyway. Too much blank on the screen is bad for the environment, or so they say. Or have I completely failed to understand what Google Black was about 🙂
Maybe I’ll even post some pictures; I have a garden now (yes I own real estate, isn’t this cool?). Tell you what – if I manage to grow some impressive vegetables I’ll boast them here. How exciting.
And I’ll probably post some photos of my cavies (that’s what the cool animal fanciers call their guinea pigs). As soon as I get them to pose.
Until I have some pics to show, here’s some text:
I’m a translator & interpreter (English<>Slovenian). A bit of a workaholic.
An early bird; I’m usually up and about way before 6 am. I’m five foot seven, rather athletic. When I’m not working, I’m probably reading. When I’m neither working nor reading, I’m doing my aerobics. I listen to opera and house (there are probably support groups for people like me out there). I sometimes write poetry and short stories. I’m into airsoft. Despite this funny array of qualities I’m quite sociable and for some reason people tolerate me rather well.
I’m good with computers. My best and at the same time my worst feature is my curiosity – which also makes me a good Darwin Award candidate. There’s no construction site too scary for me to explore in the night. If somebody mentions they know about a haunted house I’m on my way there before they got a chance to finish their sentence.
People say I’m a good cook. Which is a bit unexpected considering I’m a vegetarian (and most folks are not). My style of cooking is, well, opportunistic. Meaning I look around the kitchen, pick up some random items and combine them into something never seen before, yet very edible. This is a skill I acquired while I was a student. You know how it is; you have no money, there’s a can of peas and half a lemon in the fridge – and four people just called to tell you they’re coming over. And you still manage to make a dinner from the stuff you have at your disposal and a cup of flour you borrowed from your long-suffering neighbour. Yeah, this definitely IS a style of cooking; maybe I should write a cookbook 😀 Just kiddin’ 😉
……………
Enough for now. As my latest pet paranoia happens to be identity theft you’ll just have to meet me in person to learn more.