{"id":57,"date":"2012-10-13T12:50:01","date_gmt":"2012-10-13T12:50:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/e-straus.net\/?p=57"},"modified":"2013-10-18T17:04:53","modified_gmt":"2013-10-18T17:04:53","slug":"things-i-didnt-know-were-possible-until-i-had-them-happen-to-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/?p=57","title":{"rendered":"Things I didn&#8217;t know were possible until I had them happen to me"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>  <w:WordDocument>   <w:View>Normal<\/w:View>   <w:Zoom>0<\/w:Zoom>   <w:HyphenationZone>21<\/w:HyphenationZone>   <w:PunctuationKerning\/>   <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas\/>   <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false<\/w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>   <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false<\/w:IgnoreMixedContent>   <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false<\/w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>   <w:Compatibility>    <w:BreakWrappedTables\/>    <w:SnapToGridInCell\/>    <w:WrapTextWithPunct\/>    <w:UseAsianBreakRules\/>    <w:DontGrowAutofit\/>   <\/w:Compatibility>   <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4<\/w:BrowserLevel>  <\/w:WordDocument> <\/xml><![endif]--><span lang=\"EN-GB\" style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';\">Bread cuts. I picked up half a loaf of day-old bread only to find myself shrieking like a surprised marmot upon feeling the crust deliver a \u00bc inch gash between my thumb and index finger<\/span><span lang=\"EN-GB\" style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';\">. I didn\u2019t expect a half-eaten bun to fight back with such fervour and I\u2019m not quite sure that\u2019s proper behaviour for supermarket-bought food. I wonder what they&#8217;ve been putting into flour these days. Anyway, the idea of bread cutting me sounds like a Yakov Smirnoff joke. <\/span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>  <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState=\"false\" LatentStyleCount=\"156\">  <\/w:LatentStyles> <\/xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>\n\n\n\n<style>  \/* Style Definitions *\/  table.MsoNormalTable \t{mso-style-name:\"Table Normal\"; \tmso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; \tmso-tstyle-colband-size:0; \tmso-style-noshow:yes; \tmso-style-parent:\"\"; \tmso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; \tmso-para-margin:0cm; \tmso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; \tmso-pagination:widow-orphan; \tfont-size:10.0pt; \tfont-family:\"Times New Roman\"; \tmso-ansi-language:#0400; \tmso-fareast-language:#0400; \tmso-bidi-language:#0400;} <\/style>\n\n <![endif]--><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bread cuts. I picked up half a loaf of day-old bread only to find myself shrieking like a surprised marmot upon feeling the crust deliver a \u00bc inch gash between my thumb and index finger. I didn\u2019t expect a half-eaten bun to fight back with such fervour and I\u2019m not quite sure that\u2019s proper behaviour &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/?p=57\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Things I didn&#8217;t know were possible until I had them happen to me<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,10,4,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-57","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-english","category-food","category-rambling-smartassing","category-true-stories"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=57"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":177,"href":"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57\/revisions\/177"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=57"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=57"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/e-straus.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=57"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}