Category Archives: English language posts

Like oversized mosquitoes but friendlier and clumsier

Here’s a pair of creatures who get blamed for all the wrong reasons. This loved-up couple are crane flies, most likely of the Tipula oleracea persuasion.

They’re too big for any regular mosquitoes, check fingers for scale, which only makes it worse because they get accused of being giant mosquitos and swatted out of existence.

But these clumsy insects don’t bite at all. Their larvae on the other hand, do bite alright – they have a taste for plant roots and can chew their way through vast swathes of grass and crops, leaving huge dried patches in their wake.

As is often the case, good biodiversity goes a long way. If baby crane flies are giving you a headache, know that birds and ground beetles can help you keep their numbers modest and their activities focused on munching decaying plant matter, which is a good thing because it keeps nutrients cycling.

Just keep your pots and pans covered when the adults pay you a dinner visit – they have an uncanny talent for falling into open dishes.

#cranefly #cranefliesmating #tipula #insectlife #koseninar #wetlands #vojnik #slovenia #neanderslavia

The Snail

  • Garden snails are native to the Mediterranean
  • But they’ve travelled as far as California and Australia
  • (People being followed by snails is a real thing.)
  • Growing snails on purpose is called heliciculture
  • Growing them by accident is called good biodiversity
  • If snails threaten your garden, make it firefly-friendly
  • Because fireflies eat snails and slugs
  • So do frogs, lizards and birds
  • Or you can eat the snails yourself
  • They’re a good source of protein – and parasitic worms
  • I prefer biodiversity to gastronomy, but you do you

Catch of the day: an elderly snail

When two garden snails really like each other, they show it by mutual stabbing. They’re equipped with special love darts for this very purpose – they’re hermaphrodites and their love dueling, which goes on for hours, is how they exchange seed.
Throughout history, garden snails have loved hitching a ride with humans and this is how they’ve managed to reach some of the farthest corners of the Earth. They’re cute in their own right but their appetite can spell disaster for crops in areas where their natural predators are scarce. Good biodiversity is your friend – frogs, birds, lizards and many bugs will happily keep snails in check for you.
But if all else fails, you can always scare garden snails away with coffee grounds – they seriously dislike coffee. That’s probably for the best because the idea of fast-moving, twitchy snails is borderline disturbing.

A baby beetle

On this earth, there are 300 pounds of insects for every pound of human flesh. They fly, they dig, they swim, they bite and sting and spray. And they can make more babies in their lifetime than the whole of humanity ever has. We’re outmaneuvered, outgunned, outnumbered and sometimes outsmarted too. Just something to keep in mind 🙂

Possibly, nah definitely a leech

One of the best things about creating a wildlife pond is watching new critters move in. This spry little slinkie – unfairly known, as I’ve learned, as the horse leech – has managed to find my magic little lake. And quite possibly, my new friend is exactly what these waters needed… because right now, they’re ruled by voracious dragonfly larvae who could use a good old-fashioned fear of God put into them… Dragonflies can murder their way through a sizeable batch of tadpoles in a disturbingly short time – a relatively well-known fact in the ponding world. But they will also actively stalk small fish, which is much less known about them. Supposedly, horse leeches hunt dragonfly larvae, so maybe nature will balance itself out.

“You’re the first one who didn’t take me for a wh*re”

Nina studied me for another moment. Then she let it pour about what usually happened when people found out she was Ukrainian. She’d been living in Slovenia for years and holy crabs did she have stories.

Back then, the Slovenian word for female Ukrainian was synonymous with prostitute. I’m being serious. When people said Ukrajinka they meant prostitute, and the implications were solid.

Like when a cop checked Nina’s papers on a sleeper train, closed the cabin door and whipped out his junk. Nina pointed back at the prick pointing at her and asked what it was, perhaps a pencil, did she need to sign something? The cop didn’t appreciate the wit, they rarely do, and he ordered the train be stopped and the defiant Ukrajinka hauled off to a deserted train station at two in the morning. Nina said alright I am a hooker, bought and paid for, and you sir are about to find out what happens when you mess with mafia property. Then Nina was escorted back on the train and she didn’t need to sign anything.

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Here’s to one crazy year

Remember when people were saying 2016/2017/2018/2019 was totally wtf? Oh well…

2020 showed its cards early enough. I quickly figured I should focus on work-related news and steer clear of social media. It takes social distancing to dodge corona, but it takes social-media abstinence to avoid insanity because it’s contagious as feck. Recently, when my curiosity got the better of me and made me look at our national news, a renowned gynaecologist was telling everybody that the corona vaccine was going to leave about two thirds of women infertile. I checked what our neighbours the Croatians were doing and it turned out that they had misplaced a whole offshore rig and had no idea where it went. Then I opened The Daily Mail and there was an ex‑SAS guy who ramboed his way through a bunch of terrorists in Kenya in 2019. Now, in testament to both his chivalry and intellect, our spec-ops hero chose to withhold his name from the public and use the family name of his celebrity fiancé instead, figuring the bad guys might be after revenge. And there was this lockdown-flouting gay orgy in Brussels that the police broke up and caught a conservative Hungarian MEP climbing down the drain in the process. None of these really threw me because it’s just the new normal.

You know what still managed to surprise me? Two things:

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Doctor Typhoid Mario & Julija the Handless

First of all, a belated happy Brexit & Megxit to everyone. Also, I’m sorry to hear about Adele and hope she cranks out a few more generation-defining hits before going the Amy Winehouse way.

Well, Slovenia is between governments again and, different to the last time it happened, there’s barely any excitement about; the guy who got the most votes the first time around, but nobody wanted to form a coalition with him, will now have a crack at governing this thing and that’s about it. Our country is also beginning to tackle the corona scare and it’s a miracle it took this long, considering we have a border with Italy where the zombie apocalypse is already well underway. Needless to say, the media are pissing themselves with excitement and politicians are busy pretending to believe there’s anything they can do to put a damper on this mess. So, here’s a few more Snopes-type bits from the sunny side of the Alps before they shut down the internet.

Typhoid Mario, MD: Did a Slovenian doctor infect god knows how many of his patients and colleagues with corona?

Yes, that indeed happened, and you couldn’t find a more perfect illustration of our general attitude to the virus de jour, i.e. the old and the weak should watch out but it doesn’t concern the rest of us and we’ve got enough pensioners and hospital bed-blockers anyway. Unless you’re blissfully oblivious to dark undertones, you’ve probably noticed this ageism-meets-eugenics undercurrent in your country too. Anyway, a doc returned from his ski trip to Italy, went straight to work in a community health-care centre and a home for the elderly, generously sharing his viral load with the fit and the frail alike. Accounts differ on the details; some say the good doctor never even considered getting tested on his return from the European corona hotbed and others say he offered to get tested but his superior said ‘nah no worries’. It was when he started sweating and shaking while doing his rounds of dementia patients that the penny dropped. He got scooped up into quarantine and his whole health-care centre went into shutdown.

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